Seriously!!! If you can’t PRAY do not SPRAY!

I was supposed to wait till next week for another post but just could not hold back. This one is one of those “just fell into my laps” from one very frustrated reader who asked me to suggest a response.

This story is around email marketing. Trying to get to as many leads as possible often leads to a Spray and Pray method. 

The problem is when you over generalize you miss too many targets and sometimes even create damage. In this case, a MARKETING COMPANY (!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!) actually sent this email campaign below and OH MY GOD!!! 

As a short background, this person who asked my suggested reply is heading a sales team in the software world out of Dallas, Texas (Go Mavs!) and here is the email he received. Word for word…

Dear XXX,

 I hope you are doing well.

My Name is XXX & I represent XXX, a leading End to End Marketing Life Cycle Management services provider.

We primarily function as the B2B Data back office of leading Technology companies, B2B publishers ,Information companies and B2B Marketing agencies the US, providing a steady flow of Prospect databases, Qualified Leads, Account Profiles, et al. We currently service companies like XXX, XXX, et al., who require customized B2B Prospecting services.

 XXX specializes in: 

     #   B2B Prospect Uncovering / Contact Discovery

     #   Updating & Enriching B2B CRM Databases (Master Data Management )

     #   White Paper Opt-ins

     #   Attendee Registration for Webinars

     #   Setting up prospects on trials, appointment scheduling, Lead qualification, Lead Generation and Lead nurturing.

     #   Account Profiling ( & Competitor Intelligence Reports )

     #   Pitch Deck / Power Point helpdesk

So XXX, I would greatly appreciate if you can accommodate a brief meeting slot, my colleague Ms. XXXXXX [General Manager - Business Development] would like to take this opportunity to meet you at your office to showcase our capabilities within B2B Prospect Uncovering and Marketing services. We were very keen to discuss how XXXX services would benefit your organization in terms of boosting ROI, Profits and Controlling Costs in greater detail. Alternatively you can suggest a time for a quick teleconference at a time slot that best suits your calendar.

 Look forward to your response/confirmation,

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Dear XXX,

Just want to confirm if you had an opportunity to review my earlier mail. I understand you must be extremely busy but will greatly appreciate your feedback here.

We would highly appreciate your suggestion on time slot that best suits your diary for any day from 09th Sept to 20th Sept 2013 where my senior colleague Ms. XXX - Business Development Manager will be glad to meet you in your office, you can be rest assured the time spent by you will be productive.

 We look forward to meet you soon.

 Have a Lovely Long Weekend and Labour Day Holiday XXX. J

 Thanks and regards,
XXXXXXX| Business Development Manager
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Ltd
Location - New York, London, Mumbai
Email: XXXXX@XXXX.com | Web: www.XXXXXX.com

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Being a big Seinfeld fan I immediately thought of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRh1CMC3OVw

And hence, here is my suggested reply:

Dear XXXX,

Thank you for reaching out.

I cannot tell you how disappointed I was to see such a great company like yours sending such a poorly executed marketing email like the one below.

I do not appreciate different font sizes in one email (when it is unintentionally), I do not appreciate misspells (that’s right, here in the US it is Labor Day and not Labour day and even I as a non-American knows that), I do not appreciate bad email structure (yes, UI does mean a lot on emails as well), I do not appreciate bad grammar…et-al (or at all)…and I do believe Anne Frank wrote a Diary, I am using a CALENDAR!!

So, if you still think you are so good at what you do, and per YOUR suggestion you want to meet me in MY office, I will be available on September 17^th at 10am EST in my Dallas, TX office as I am not located in NY.

Let me know.

I doubt you will hear from them again!

As the new Managing Director in Sales at Cornerstone Information Systems I promise to work as hard as I can to learn from the above!

And on a personal note – be attentive, after all it is our customers who are paying our salary!!

AZ